I hate you Microsoft, and I hope your corporate person dies a tragic death.

Sun 13 March 2011

Filed under Politics

The legal doctrine of Corporate Personhood is a dangerous one. If I "threaten" the "Corporate Person" of Microsoft, am I a criminal? Is this constitutionally protected free speech? I certainly hope so.

Microsoft, how I hate thee.

You make my life a misery.

I pine and toil with your crap.

Your products make a sorry pack

Of lies and shite, a shithouse shack.

You waste my life, I hate you.

Today I had to help a a poor unfortunate victim of Microsoft's success in pimping Windows. The task is so simple.

  • Connect Remotely*
  • Install Logmein*
  • Reconnect w/ Logmein
  • Complete the tedious process of migrating a domain profile to a local profile.*
  • Test Profile
  • Win

Seeds of Hate

I use the great 'RDP'. The Mac client has several problems which make issues.

First, the client doesn't seem to work via the normal SBS Remote Windows Workplace gateway. That shit requires Internet Explorer. USELESS CRAP.

Second, once I login, if I use Command-Tab to flip to another app, when I return to Remote Desktop, I will have an odd variety of key-states which means that any key I hit is likely to be "Windows+*key*". So, upon returning I have to tap my various meta-keys to be sure they're ok. e.g. "Alt, Tab, Shift, Control, Command/Windows". USELESS CRAP.

After all this, I am using an administrative connection to a server in order to use the "mstsc" client to connect to a system - because, of course, I am using a Mac. So, now everything is SLOWER and manifestly more complex. The new problem is that this increases the rate at which the meta keys eff up. USELESS CRAP.

Finally, what am I greeted with? A System upon which I have never remotely connected with my workstation administrator login. Connect, authenticate, new profile, the requisite wait, etc. Once logged in, I start I.E. Now a stunning list of retarded-ass questions. I.DON'T.EFFING.CARE!!! Chome makes this easy. Start Chrome, Pick a Search Engine, DONE. Internet Exploiter has to get all up in your shit. I take the 'Ask me later' box, but it turns out that my poor unfortunate user has installed Bing. That's not a problem, but in order to avoid more pointless questions , I tell it "no" or "cancel" or I can't remember what. Now the stupid shit which is the BingBar begins a 5 minutes uninstallation. Five minutes, (it seems like). Just to use the gorram browser. FIVE MINUTES. What is wrong with you a**holes who make Microsoft Products? I hate this, I can't stand it. USELESS CRAP.

I finally arrive at a state in which I am pissed enough that I must vent somewhere. I open Chome (Mac), login to my blog and begin to type. Just as I am getting to this line, the stupid screen goes black and I need to re-authenticate to unlock my screen. This is a gigantic circle-jerk, because NOW, the Caps-lock state has flipped. What's CAPS on my Mac is NOT CAPS on Windows, and vice-versa. We're stuck in this twilight frontier where everything has changed, and it doesn't seem to warn me. USELESS CRAP.

Everything has become progressively slower now. Maybe it's the net. Maybe that "bingbar", who knows? All I do know is that every Microsoft Logo, or a Microsoft term I see, makes me want to spit.

Up to this point, I have simply been trying to login. Once I succeed I need to migrate a profile. While I think that the corporate person is equally liable for the third-world sewage field that is the profile-management on Windows, I can't fault them for this. This is the pain I have been experiencing my entire career.

Alas, though, the problem of no simple tools for migrating a domain profile to local-machine profile in Windows 7. Why do I even bother?

Conclusion

This all comes to a head when I run into an unfortunate person who tells me; "Well, it keeps you employed, right?". It's exactly this point that creates the hardship for me. That statement is functionally equivalent with the idea that littering creates jobs. In fact, it's just about as sound of reasoning as an argument that "child abusers help create jobs for Child Protective Services", or that we're benefitted by the criminally insane or the severely mentally handicapped because of the jobs they create. (Note: This could seem insensitive. I don't want to besmirch the mentally handicapped persons. They have a dignity and right to life which every person has. I simply wanted to point out, that when a drug company makes a drug which turns normal babies into them, we shouldn't celebrate. I consider this to be on-topic because I am speaking of MIcrosoft.)

I am not such a useless waste of space that I need people to make a mess of things on purpose just so I can come and fail to put them in perfect order. I personally don't think *anyone* is worthy of the demeaning role which that requires. There may be people who put so little effort into their life that this is simply the best they ever learn to expect, but I think that is part of the horror of this cycle.

In the past five years of this blog, I have stopped using it as a vitriolic dumping groud. Some days, some sinus infections and some weeks of pressure leave me unable to let go of my anger without trying to communicate it.

If you're a business person, and you must use computers, please use Linux. Apple hates your freedom, and Microsoft hates your intelligence. Sony just hates you personally, because when you're an asshole as big as they are, everywhere you look you only see yourself.

Plea

If you're a compelling song writer, please contact me. I would desperately love to develop my peudo-limerick into a song. Let's sing it, go viral, and spread the hate, in a very persuasive and personal fashion. Let's make a top-40 hit, even though I shudder at Pop. I want this song on every lip from here to Zimbabwe.


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